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The dark sinister eyes, flying hoofs, and wild mane flashed before the girl. The dark bay screamed with fury, teeth bared, and reared up. She screamed, where was her precious pony Roxy? What had this demon horse done with her? Then it happened, she slipped and fell. Looking up she saw two hoofs coming down on her and then darkness...
Hanna bolted up right in bed. Her hair was plastered to her head, sheets of sweat pored down her face, soaking her bed. Why was this dream houting her? Why did it keep coming back to her and who was the horse that had taken the place of her pony Roxy? Was Roxy OK? Then laughing she told herself that Roxy was in her stall in the barn, behind the house. There was nothing to worry about. It was just a dream but something told her otherwise...
... Meanwhile, the barn went cold and a smoky smell over powered the ponies. Roxy snorted and rolled her eyes in fear. Swinging her head over the stall door she looked down the aisle way. There were six stalls in all, three on each side. Her stall was in the middle, sandwiched in between Lightning and Clover. Acrose from her was the Shetland pony, MR. Magic. He was normally trying to get out of his stall at this time but instead he stood there trying to crain his neck to see Trixie who was stabled to his left. Roxy could see her the poor thing was shaking in the far corner of her stall. Then her eyes were drawn to the stall right of Magic. It was an empty stall. It always had been, even before she and her rider moved in. Fixing her eyes on the vacant stall Roxy noticed that the smell of smoke was coming from its open door. Why had she not noticed that before? There had been plenty of times this had happened, every few weeks or so, but never this bad or long. Then as Quickly as the Chilly air and smoky smell had come it vanished into thin air. Their barn usual atmispher returned. Then letting her eyelids droop she tried to rest, but she could not forget the smell and creepy feeling that continually reacure.Tell me what you think.
~Sierra and Prancer~ 
Thanks Natalia for the super awsome banner. Montana here I come.
This will be the summer of our lifes. We will do what we said we could and others said we couldn't.
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Love it. A few spelling/grammar errors, but otherwise great. I love the suspense and cliffhangers. Also, I'm wondering, where is the story's setting? In Texas? Hawaii? It probably comes later on, but that left me wondering. Overall, it's great, I would definetly read a book like this.
It's Tasha. or Tash. Or Penguin xD
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Previously horcluvr99
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horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
Love it. A few spelling/grammar errors, but otherwise great. I love the suspense and cliffhangers. Also, I'm wondering, where is the story's setting? In Texas? Hawaii? It probably comes later on, but that left me wondering. Overall, it's great, I would definetly read a book like this. I actually am working on the setting. I think I will make it a small backwoods town.
~Sierra and Prancer~
Thanks Natalia for the super awsome banner. Montana here I come.
This will be the summer of our lifes. We will do what we said we could and others said we couldn't.
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~Horsefeathers15~ (3/9/2010)
horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
Love it. A few spelling/grammar errors, but otherwise great. I love the suspense and cliffhangers. Also, I'm wondering, where is the story's setting? In Texas? Hawaii? It probably comes later on, but that left me wondering. Overall, it's great, I would definetly read a book like this. I actually am working on the setting. I think I will make it a small backwoods town. oooooooooohhhhh sounds intrestin
It's Tasha. or Tash. Or Penguin xD
banner by Babidollrox591...Banners are *Open*...PM me for GIMP help
Previously horcluvr99
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horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
~Horsefeathers15~ (3/9/2010)
[quote]horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
Love it. A few spelling/grammar errors, but otherwise great. I love the suspense and cliffhangers. Also, I'm wondering, where is the story's setting? In Texas? Hawaii? It probably comes later on, but that left me wondering. Overall, it's great, I would definetly read a book like this. I actually am working on the setting. I think I will make it a small backwoods town. oooooooooohhhhh sounds intrestin[/quo Are you being sarcastic?
~Sierra and Prancer~
Thanks Natalia for the super awsome banner. Montana here I come.
This will be the summer of our lifes. We will do what we said we could and others said we couldn't.
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Average Member
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~Horsefeathers15~ (3/9/2010)
horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
~Horsefeathers15~ (3/9/2010)
[quote]horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
Love it. A few spelling/grammar errors, but otherwise great. I love the suspense and cliffhangers. Also, I'm wondering, where is the story's setting? In Texas? Hawaii? It probably comes later on, but that left me wondering. Overall, it's great, I would definetly read a book like this. I actually am working on the setting. I think I will make it a small backwoods town. oooooooooohhhhh sounds intrestin[/quo Are you being sarcastic? nope. backwoods towns are intriuging.
It's Tasha. or Tash. Or Penguin xD
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Previously horcluvr99
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horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
~Horsefeathers15~ (3/9/2010)
horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
[quote]~Horsefeathers15~ (3/9/2010)
[quote]horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
Love it. A few spelling/grammar errors, but otherwise great. I love the suspense and cliffhangers. Also, I'm wondering, where is the story's setting? In Texas? Hawaii? It probably comes later on, but that left me wondering. Overall, it's great, I would definetly read a book like this. I actually am working on the setting. I think I will make it a small backwoods town. oooooooooohhhhh sounds intrestin[/quo Are you being sarcastic? Sorry about that. Some people on here are so...sarcastic. Small back wood towns are very interesting...I should know...I live in one. lol
~Sierra and Prancer~
Thanks Natalia for the super awsome banner. Montana here I come.
This will be the summer of our lifes. We will do what we said we could and others said we couldn't.
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Average Member
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~Horsefeathers15~ (3/9/2010)
horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
~Horsefeathers15~ (3/9/2010)
horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
[quote]~Horsefeathers15~ (3/9/2010)
[quote]horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
Love it. A few spelling/grammar errors, but otherwise great. I love the suspense and cliffhangers. Also, I'm wondering, where is the story's setting? In Texas? Hawaii? It probably comes later on, but that left me wondering. Overall, it's great, I would definetly read a book like this. I actually am working on the setting. I think I will make it a small backwoods town. oooooooooohhhhh sounds intrestin[/quo Are you being sarcastic? Sorry about that. Some people on here are so...sarcastic. Small back wood towns are very interesting...I should know...I live in one. lol Yes, some are, and it get confusing because you can't tell when it's all virtual... o lucky... I live in a city. And my horse lives 20 min. away. :(
It's Tasha. or Tash. Or Penguin xD
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Previously horcluvr99
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horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
~Horsefeathers15~ (3/9/2010)
horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
~Horsefeathers15~ (3/9/2010)
horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
[quote]~Horsefeathers15~ (3/9/2010)
[quote]horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
Love it. A few spelling/grammar errors, but otherwise great. I love the suspense and cliffhangers. Also, I'm wondering, where is the story's setting? In Texas? Hawaii? It probably comes later on, but that left me wondering. Overall, it's great, I would definetly read a book like this. I actually am working on the setting. I think I will make it a small backwoods town. oooooooooohhhhh sounds intrestin[/quo Are you being sarcastic? Sorry about that. Some people on here are so...sarcastic. Small back wood towns are very interesting...I should know...I live in one. lol Yes, some are, and it get confusing because you can't tell when it's all virtual... o lucky... I live in a city. And my horse lives 20 min. away. :( That stinks. Prancer lives 5 min.away.lol
~Sierra and Prancer~
Thanks Natalia for the super awsome banner. Montana here I come.
This will be the summer of our lifes. We will do what we said we could and others said we couldn't.
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Average Member
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~Horsefeathers15~ (3/9/2010)
horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
~Horsefeathers15~ (3/9/2010)
horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
~Horsefeathers15~ (3/9/2010)
horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
[quote]~Horsefeathers15~ (3/9/2010)
[quote]horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
Love it. A few spelling/grammar errors, but otherwise great. I love the suspense and cliffhangers. Also, I'm wondering, where is the story's setting? In Texas? Hawaii? It probably comes later on, but that left me wondering. Overall, it's great, I would definetly read a book like this. I actually am working on the setting. I think I will make it a small backwoods town. oooooooooohhhhh sounds intrestin[/quo Are you being sarcastic? Sorry about that. Some people on here are so...sarcastic. Small back wood towns are very interesting...I should know...I live in one. lol Yes, some are, and it get confusing because you can't tell when it's all virtual... o lucky... I live in a city. And my horse lives 20 min. away. :( That stinks. Prancer lives 5 min.away.lol *jealous* haha
It's Tasha. or Tash. Or Penguin xD
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Previously horcluvr99
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Aside from grammer errors, it is a really nice start. It doesn't seem like it will be one of those typical horse stories. It was intriguing, suspenseful, and I'll even admit was a little scared at the end. But I get scared easily, so.... lol!
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HorseMystique (3/10/2010)
Aside from grammer errors, it is a really nice start. It doesn't seem like it will be one of those typical horse stories. It was intriguing, suspenseful, and I'll even admit was a little scared at the end. But I get scared easily, so.... lol! Thanks! All the stuff I have writen before was always "typical" horse storys so I tryed to be different this time.
~Sierra and Prancer~
Thanks Natalia for the super awsome banner. Montana here I come.
This will be the summer of our lifes. We will do what we said we could and others said we couldn't.
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Senior Member
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Last Login: Today @ 7:52:33 AM
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horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
~Horsefeathers15~ (3/9/2010)
horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
~Horsefeathers15~ (3/9/2010)
horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
~Horsefeathers15~ (3/9/2010)
horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
[quote]~Horsefeathers15~ (3/9/2010)
[quote]horcluvr99 (3/9/2010)
Love it. A few spelling/grammar errors, but otherwise great. I love the suspense and cliffhangers. Also, I'm wondering, where is the story's setting? In Texas? Hawaii? It probably comes later on, but that left me wondering. Overall, it's great, I would definetly read a book like this. I actually am working on the setting. I think I will make it a small backwoods town. oooooooooohhhhh sounds intrestin[/quo Are you being sarcastic? Sorry about that. Some people on here are so...sarcastic. Small back wood towns are very interesting...I should know...I live in one. lol Yes, some are, and it get confusing because you can't tell when it's all virtual... o lucky... I live in a city. And my horse lives 20 min. away. :( That stinks. Prancer lives 5 min.away.lol *jealous* haha lol she used to be 35 min away I couldn't stand it. I admire you.
~Sierra and Prancer~
Thanks Natalia for the super awsome banner. Montana here I come.
This will be the summer of our lifes. We will do what we said we could and others said we couldn't.
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I liked it very much! As was said, just the few grammar and punctuation errors.
Is it going to follow both Hanna and Roxy?
.:Proud to be a Christian:.
I AM LEAVING YR! (Unless I feel like I need to post some of my novel for crit) BYYEEEE! I'll miss you guys!!
Lyd/Blaze
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| The idea is great really. It's confusing how you how two shifts of views so close to one another. Consider adding more details and scenes with the girls who was sleeping, and a tiny bit more info with the horses in the barn. I like your cliffhanger endings! :]
I'm at war with the world
'Cause I ain't never gonna sell my soul
I've already made up my mind
No matter what, I can't be bought or sold
When my faith is getting weak
And I feel like giving in
You breathe into me again
I'm awake, I'm alive
Now I know what I believe inside
Now it's my time
I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life -Skillet "Awake and Alive"
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